Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
