I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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