Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
