you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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