pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize