Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
