Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
