i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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