I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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