dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
