Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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