we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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