so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
