We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
