Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He better not be in your backpack
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
