A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
