it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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