I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
