I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
