wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
