how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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