Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can I color on your dick again?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
