Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
