I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
