cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize