He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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