She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
