I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize