That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
