After last night, I could never be a politician.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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