walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
