I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
