I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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