I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
