You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
