i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
