Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.