I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...