I'm jealous of your bromance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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