How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
