you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
