I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
