My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
