Your dad touched me again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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