the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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