All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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