so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
