Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
