I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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