this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
