You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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