I am puke
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
