Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
