Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
