when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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