The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
