I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
