We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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