My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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