saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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