so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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