we have officially lost it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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