NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
