haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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