how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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