What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
