Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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