I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You may now shotgun with the bride
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
