normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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