At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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