I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
