Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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