I wish they made helmets for livers.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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