but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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