I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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