I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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