so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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