Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
